You can't handle the truth!

I had the opportunity to do my civic duty this week. Every two years I get the dreaded jury summons in the mail and every two years I report and until this time around I've always been excused for one reason or another. But this was not my year,  I was hand selected to hear a case. A very important case, I might add.

A feeble retail giant named Wal-Mart was relieved of, I'm sorry 'allegedly' relieved of a $90 hard drive and was using its might to prosecute to the full extent of the law. That meant that a Judge, a court reporter, a clerk, a District Attorney, a couple of bailiffs and 13 jurors had to spend 4 full days watching store security videos and listening to Wal-Mart Loss Prevention Associates regale us with the details of that fateful day.

The People V LeRoy (emphasis on Roy) Strickland

In the opening statements, the District Attorney likened the case to the Thomas Crowne Affair, meaning Mr Strickland didn't have to steal as he had almost $200 cash in his pocket on the day in question, but he did it for sport. Yes $90 hard drive similar to priceless works of art.

Then the Defense Attorney opened and by the way he referred to the retailer as "WalMarts" (hard ess at the end) I knew I was in the presence of the intellectual elite.

And so it went, 4 full days of  the attorneys battling it out like this was the trial of the century. Witnessing how silly our legal system is, with the real loser in this case being The People of California who were relieved (not allegedly, but actually) of tens of thousands of our tax payer dollars which could have been better spent doing almost anything including lighting it on fire and using it to keep the dudes that sleep in the park warm.

The silver lining you ask? Well all my Law & Order knowledge was put to full use.  I got to toss around words like "perp" and "vic" like they were going out of style and after overhearing the details of an unrelated case one day at lunch I suggested to an attorney that they "dump the phone and pull the LUDS" I honestly don't even know what that even means, but I sounded really smart when I said it...

"I ordered Markinson to have Santiago transferred off the base immediately. Why? I felt that his life might be in danger once word of the letter got out.
Grave danger? Is there another kind? I asked if Santiago was in Danger, I then asked if he was in Grave Danger and you said Is there another kind? I can have the court reporter read it back to you"