Here's a Tip Fella, Don't Eat Yellow Snow

I read somewhere that Wales is Europe’s Florida. Since I’ve never been to Wales, I'm going to assume it’s awful. Florida has giant flying bugs, hurricanes, “I’m-with-stupid T-shirts”, meth and lots of reality TV in the making. 

People under the age of 60 only go to Florida if they like sporting the least fashionable Tommy Bahama beach wear available, enjoy a good deal on a steak as long as they are cool eating dinner at 3:45 or have parents that retired there. I fall squarely into bucket three and have spent more than my fair share of time in Florida.  By the time I was 17 my parents were fully retired and each September, they would hit the road and if we wanted to see them it meant trekking to the Sunshine State. Wheeeeeeeeeee.

Each year I visited, they would entertain me with one adventure or another that they were certain I could experience exclusively in Florida. Enormous swap meets, fishing charters, pizza joints with crusty dollar bills and enormous frilly bras tacked to the ceiling (mom and dad were so very progressive) and of course water aerobics. If it weren’t for mom and dad I never would have experienced “Sweating to the oldies” in a giant pool with a dozen 80 year olds. Thanks guys!

     

My visits to Florida were and still are some of my fondest memories. One of my most favorite adventures started out like any other routine day in Retiree-land. Up and out of the house early, running errands, doing chores, listening to my dad pass judgment on all of the other terrible drivers. “Sure dad, they suck, but you sir are still stellar.” Ahem, anyway after a morning of busyness dad was hungry and when the subject of lunch came up, he got that twinkle in his eye that he only gets when he’s about to share something that he thinks is pretty legit.

“I’ve got just the place!! Your mom and I stumbled on it a few years back, it’s the best deal in town. Burger, fries and drinks for 2 bucks and the best part is, YOU DON’T HAVE TO TIP!!! Boy was he ever pleased with himself.

To be fair my father is not a cheap man, however he is great at sniffing out deals and stretching those hard earned dollars, so off we go. When we pull into the Kmart parking lot, I’m confused. “Dad what’re we doing here?” It seemed like a reasonable question.

“Didn’t I just tell you we were going to lunch?” Dad’s sugar is low and clearly he’s getting fussy. Silly me for not knowing there was a restaurant inside of Kmart. Actually it wasn’t so much a restaurant as it was the Kmart employee cafeteria. Dad promptly clears up my confusion. “See it’s for the employees, but everyone’s allowed”. Terrific.

2 burgers, 2 orders of fries, 2 cokes. $4 dollars (no tip).  Dad proudly introducing me to the best lunch deal in town. Priceless.